where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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