i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
