i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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