some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
