can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
