Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
