kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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