He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
