dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
