I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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