Pregnant stripper...not hot.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
