At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm always down for nudity.
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