is your mom at the bar?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
