Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
