You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
