I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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