Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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