Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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