I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How's work?
Spinning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
