everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
