So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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