you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
