i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
