i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
