Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
