I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
