I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
