My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
