I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
