You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
