either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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