we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
