If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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