using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
