Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
