that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
