We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm both gender and math confused
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
