i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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