At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
