There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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