At least make sure they are 18
Why
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
