I look better un-naked...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
