dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
