Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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