dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
