I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
