i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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