Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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