Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I look better un-naked...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
