I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
