I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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