I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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