Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We need a shit load of segways right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
