Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
