I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
