...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
