Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
