please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
