Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pooping to opera.
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