Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
