did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
